The Affective, The Imaginative and The Linguistic

 

I jump in and out of the elevator. I snap the room’s door behind me. I examine the room, it will do. I briefly look out at the busy world as I draw the curtains. The lights are low. The bed is soft.  The only sounds are my breathing and the occasional footsteps in the hall. It has been sometime since I have been alone like this, when was I last alone like this? I have wanted this for so long that I am not sure what to do, where do I begin?  I quickly put on some comfortable clothes; you can’t beat jogging pants and a sweater.  I sit on the edge of the bed and I pick up the phone and state, “I am here.”  I impatiently walk around the room as I wait. Shortly after the call, there is a knock on the door. Even though I was expecting it, my heart leaps. I rush do the door and smile. Waiting for me is a Fred Flintstone sized plate of cheese-covered nachos with a six-pack of Sleemans Honey Brown. I thank room service and eagerly shoo them away. I delightfully sit on the bed with my treasures. The sound of the air escaping from the bottle of Honey Brown makes me gasp. I put the bottle to my lips; nothing has tasted so fine. I take a sip, and shut my eyes thinking, “This is my time, so enjoy it!” I turn on the TV, find my favorite science fiction channel, and devour the platter of nachos on my lap.  Right now, I am just Sherry who loves beer, nachos and sci-fi. Tomorrow I will go back to my real world of being a mom, sister, wife, daughter, and friend.

This is my current fantasy. I would love to obtain some “me-time”. This was not always my fantasy; they use to be a bit more exciting. When I was 12 it was to meet Joe MacInytre from New Kids on the Block, then it my late teens it was to meet Nirvana. My point is that fantasies change, as do identities. People have experiences and memories that shape their identities. The more experiences we have the more our desires and identities changes.

Bracher talks of 3 registers of identity; the affective, the imaginative and the linguistic or symbolic. These three registers combine together with our life experiences to form our identity. According to Bracher, (Radical Pedagogy, Pg 13) the affective register refers what is real in our character. Bracher states that it is most often, where our identity that relates to our core-self resides (Bracher Pg 14). My mother lost her mother when she was 12. This pain from her loss has established a fear of losing loved ones that has shaped her identity. This fear falls into the affected register; it is what is real to her. It often manifests itself in simple everyday things. When I was first living away from home, my mom would get very upset if she know I was out after dark, even if after dark was 5:30pm.

The imaginative register according to Bracher (Radical Pedagogy, Pg 14) refers to what we believe to be true about our identity. My mothers fear has lead her to imagine or see situations in a context of a future possible loss. She often sees or imagines the remote possibility of something bad happening not the probability of it. For example, if any of her children are traveling, it physically makes her sick with worry. She is sick until she knows we have made it safely to our destination.

Bracher’s third register (Radical Pedagogy, Pg 15) is the linguistic or verbal codes. Through labeling of ones own attributes, we understand who we are supposed to be or who we are not supposed to be. These labels are not only placed on our identity by ourselves but also from external sources, especially from a person with a lot of influence or an experience with a strong emotional connection. My mother has labeled herself not as a good mother but as better mother then most mothers because of her overprotectiveness. She is aware of her overprotectiveness but has come to be proud of her enhanced physical security that she has placed on her children. To her, it is the right thing to do and all parents should be doing it.

My mother’s overprotectiveness has changed over the years. As she grew and changed as person, her identity changed as well. I think people can change their core identities and their beliefs though experience and learning. What are difficult to change are ones habits. My mom no longer gets sick when we travel but we still need to call her as soon as we get to our destination or we will get an earful. My mother was also far more rigid and protective with her first child then her last child. I was her first child and I have defiantly picked up many of her overprotective ways. It is not that I fear a loss but more because I find it hard not to be any other way, her habits have become my habits.

Bracher, M. (2006). Radical pedagogy: Identity, generativity, and social transformation. New York: Palgrave.